Skip to main content

5 years ago today, one of the saddest days of my life

April 4, 2004 was Palm Sunday that year. It was also the day that we turned our clocks an hour ahead.

I had some plans that day. I spent the day before working on taxes for myself and my kids. I was also cooking a pot of chili without beans for my mom. Mom had also cut out a story from the newspaper that she had thought I'd enjoy.

I had gone to the store to get something to cook for my mom and myself the next day as we were going to spend the afternoon watching the Nextel Cup race from Texas. My sister was going to spend the afternoon with our brother in the nursing home, and I was going to stay with mom, who was in failing health and was under hospice care for almost two months at that point.

The evening of April 3, I took the chili to mom and she was talking about seeing little fuzz balls floating around her. I went back home and call the hospice nurse, she had told me that that might have been the side effect of the morphine she was on. I told her that. Mom was suffering from COPD, and the kicker of that was that she had never been a smoker. Many around her were smokers though. She had to be on oxygen all the time, a concentrator at home, oxygen tanks while away. We had moved her from Cleveland to Rittman in order for us to be closer to her in case she needed any of us to help. She had seen a lot of us in the six months since we moved her.

As I had wrote before this was the day when we moved our clocks ahead. We had gone to bed about 11pm, standard time. The phone rang about 4:15am daylight saving time. It was my sister. She had told me that mom was in distress. I could hear mom in the background saying not to bother me. As Kathy and I were getting dressed to go there, Deirdre called again saying that mom was unresponsive. We called the hospice nurse as we getting ready to leave. By the time we got there, my mother was already gone.

Mom was ready to go. She was tired of not being able to breathe without discomfort. Her main concern was who was going to make sure my younger sister, Deirdre who was epileptic, and was mentally handicapped because of it and my brother, Ricky who was in a nursing home, were taken care of. One of the things that kept her going in her later years was that she was able to keep being our mother. She always liked doing little things for me. such as clipping articles out of the paper that she thought would be of interest to me. She wanted to make sure that all three of us were taken care of.

Mom was my biggest fan. She was always bragging to her coworkers and anyone else who would listen about things I would do. I think if I was blogging while she was still alive, she would have learned about how to use the computer and told all who would listen about my blogging. She bragged about me being on the football team though I wasn't much good and spent more time sitting than playing.

The time she bragged the longest and loudest was in my junior year of high school. The class play was Life With Father and I was in the lead role. Mom was proud of any accomplishment of ours.

My Mom has been gone now for 5 years. I know that she is in a better place where she can now breathe without assistance. She is also with my brother who passed away 13 months ago. I still miss her and her bragging about those things I do. She did her job being my mother well.

Comments

Mike Golch said…
I know the feeling quite well.My Mom died Sept 2003.I miss my Mom and DAd very much.Man Hug to you.
Brenda said…
I miss my parents too.
Always remember the good memories!! Sounds like she was wonderful! {{HUGS}} from me too.
Busy Bee Suz said…
I can't imagine losing my Mom...seems like she was a wonderful lady and she raised you to be such a wonderful man.
you know she most likely has connections up there and IS reading your blog...and most likely she is bragging to everyone about it also.
Take care, SUZ
wzzp said…
I know I can't replace your mom in any sense, but I do a lot of bragging to others about you!
HWHL said…
I'm so sorry Cliff.... no matter how many years pass, the pain is still there. Come to my blog and read the post I wrote yesterday. It seems to be very timely for many this week. I believe now it was more than a dream; it was a vision. And I believe your Mom is there.... waiting for you (one day).

Blessings & Peace, my friend.
Mike Dane said…
I understand how you feel Cliff.
My folks are no longer here either.
But remember it is a circle of life.
If I remember correctly you have kids
and they look to you as you looked.
to your parents. And also you have
lots of friends who care about you and think you're wonderful. Myself
included.
struke said…
What a great post! Well done. It brings back memories of my grandma in Warren who passed away when I was going into my senior year at BG.
Pigeon said…
I too lost my mom. It's been 20 years, but sometimes is still seems like yesterday. I think your mom would be very proud of you and I think she would really love your blog.
Minerva said…
I lost my mom too. It was sudden. I think it's juat as, hard whether sudden or slow. Keep those memories close to your heart. She's up in heaven bragging about you to our other lost moms, I'm sure!
Jessica said…
Beautiful! Your mother had every right to be proud. You put others before yourself, what more could a mother want?
Pat Jenkins said…
wixy though in death she has left you with a legacy of life. the love you still have for her can only be described as eternal!... great pictures!
Shelley said…
I hope the wonderful memories of your mom eases your pain on this day. She sounds like she was a wonderful lady and took great pride in her children.
Diane Vogel Ferri said…
this is a beautiful tribute to your mom - I can relate although I still have mine.

Popular posts from this blog

Post 800: Time to chat

Hi Guys, It's hard to believe that this is post number 800 for this blog. I started this blog out of my desire to communicate. Since radio and television is becoming more and more automated and less and less personal, I'm glad I made the decision to go in this direction as it has given me many blessings. When I first decided to write my musings, a friend from the radio and television boards who goes by the name of newsnomore, told me not to be discouraged if I didn't get any readers. The fact that I did in the early going made me surprised and grateful that anyone was enjoying what I wrote. I've had people tell me that maybe it wasn't meant for me to ever be in radio, that maybe my calling was blogging. Nowadays I think blogging makes for better two way conversation than terrestrial radio, especially the way I do it, non confrontational. The closest I come from any confrontation is the innocent digs that Pat and I shoot at each other. On an average day I get betwee...

Bananas and Sleep Apnea

First thing I want to do is welcome all the good folks from Australia who are checking me out as a result of Google searches. I recently wrote a post on sleep apnea , discussing my history with it and my new CPAP machine. Because of this and the name of my blog, this is the top site google lists when somebody types "bananas sleep apnea" into the search line on Google. All of the sites I have seen, that were not the usual sites that come here, ended in "dot au" which I know as Australia. Normally the only hit from down under is by my good friend David McMahon. The reason for the search is that a research team in Australia has found. as a result of a study, that drinking a banana smoothie may assist in easing conditions that cause sleep apnea. Phospholipids, or fatty acids, in bananas stay active in the mouth for six hours and may keep the throat open, therefore reducing the risk of choking. Further studies will expand to those, like myself, who need a breathing machi...

Why?

What I'm posting now is with the blessing of Chelle. Chelle is the cousin of Suzanne's husband, Richard. I had gotten the impression from both of them that they were about as close as sisters. Suzanne had been a friend of mine since I had discovered one of her blogs in July, 2006. We would make reference to each other on our blogs and would have dialogue via email quite a bit. It was no surprise to me that she was friends to many other bloggers as well. I felt it was quite an honor to be held in as high esteem as I was. We even talked to each other on the phone on occasion. I felt as we had known each other for a long time. I also knew that Suzanne was having some personal problems, much of which had to do with a very troubled marriage. I would let her bounce things off me, and I would send her some encouragement. While she was going through some of her marital problems, she made herself available to give me a lift when I needed it. My son was having some problems of his own a...