Saturday, April 04, 2009

5 years ago today, one of the saddest days of my life

April 4, 2004 was Palm Sunday that year. It was also the day that we turned our clocks an hour ahead.

I had some plans that day. I spent the day before working on taxes for myself and my kids. I was also cooking a pot of chili without beans for my mom. Mom had also cut out a story from the newspaper that she had thought I'd enjoy.

I had gone to the store to get something to cook for my mom and myself the next day as we were going to spend the afternoon watching the Nextel Cup race from Texas. My sister was going to spend the afternoon with our brother in the nursing home, and I was going to stay with mom, who was in failing health and was under hospice care for almost two months at that point.

The evening of April 3, I took the chili to mom and she was talking about seeing little fuzz balls floating around her. I went back home and call the hospice nurse, she had told me that that might have been the side effect of the morphine she was on. I told her that. Mom was suffering from COPD, and the kicker of that was that she had never been a smoker. Many around her were smokers though. She had to be on oxygen all the time, a concentrator at home, oxygen tanks while away. We had moved her from Cleveland to Rittman in order for us to be closer to her in case she needed any of us to help. She had seen a lot of us in the six months since we moved her.

As I had wrote before this was the day when we moved our clocks ahead. We had gone to bed about 11pm, standard time. The phone rang about 4:15am daylight saving time. It was my sister. She had told me that mom was in distress. I could hear mom in the background saying not to bother me. As Kathy and I were getting dressed to go there, Deirdre called again saying that mom was unresponsive. We called the hospice nurse as we getting ready to leave. By the time we got there, my mother was already gone.

Mom was ready to go. She was tired of not being able to breathe without discomfort. Her main concern was who was going to make sure my younger sister, Deirdre who was epileptic, and was mentally handicapped because of it and my brother, Ricky who was in a nursing home, were taken care of. One of the things that kept her going in her later years was that she was able to keep being our mother. She always liked doing little things for me. such as clipping articles out of the paper that she thought would be of interest to me. She wanted to make sure that all three of us were taken care of.

Mom was my biggest fan. She was always bragging to her coworkers and anyone else who would listen about things I would do. I think if I was blogging while she was still alive, she would have learned about how to use the computer and told all who would listen about my blogging. She bragged about me being on the football team though I wasn't much good and spent more time sitting than playing.

The time she bragged the longest and loudest was in my junior year of high school. The class play was Life With Father and I was in the lead role. Mom was proud of any accomplishment of ours.

My Mom has been gone now for 5 years. I know that she is in a better place where she can now breathe without assistance. She is also with my brother who passed away 13 months ago. I still miss her and her bragging about those things I do. She did her job being my mother well.


Mike Golch said...

I know the feeling quite well.My Mom died Sept 2003.I miss my Mom and DAd very much.Man Hug to you.

Brenda said...

I miss my parents too.
Always remember the good memories!! Sounds like she was wonderful! {{HUGS}} from me too.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I can't imagine losing my Mom...seems like she was a wonderful lady and she raised you to be such a wonderful man.
you know she most likely has connections up there and IS reading your blog...and most likely she is bragging to everyone about it also.
Take care, SUZ

wzzp said...

I know I can't replace your mom in any sense, but I do a lot of bragging to others about you!

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

I'm so sorry Cliff.... no matter how many years pass, the pain is still there. Come to my blog and read the post I wrote yesterday. It seems to be very timely for many this week. I believe now it was more than a dream; it was a vision. And I believe your Mom is there.... waiting for you (one day).

Blessings & Peace, my friend.

Mike Dane said...

I understand how you feel Cliff.
My folks are no longer here either.
But remember it is a circle of life.
If I remember correctly you have kids
and they look to you as you looked.
to your parents. And also you have
lots of friends who care about you and think you're wonderful. Myself

struke said...

What a great post! Well done. It brings back memories of my grandma in Warren who passed away when I was going into my senior year at BG.

Pigeon said...

I too lost my mom. It's been 20 years, but sometimes is still seems like yesterday. I think your mom would be very proud of you and I think she would really love your blog.

Margaret said...

I lost my mom too. It was sudden. I think it's juat as, hard whether sudden or slow. Keep those memories close to your heart. She's up in heaven bragging about you to our other lost moms, I'm sure!

Jessica said...

Beautiful! Your mother had every right to be proud. You put others before yourself, what more could a mother want?

Pat Jenkins said...

wixy though in death she has left you with a legacy of life. the love you still have for her can only be described as eternal!... great pictures!

Shellmo said...

I hope the wonderful memories of your mom eases your pain on this day. She sounds like she was a wonderful lady and took great pride in her children.

Diane Vogel Ferri said...

this is a beautiful tribute to your mom - I can relate although I still have mine.