Friday, May 23, 2008

I'll hand you my heart and you can stomp on it awhile

I am always considered by my friends as one of the nicest guys around. There have been times in my life I considered this a curse. But this has always been one of my greatest assets.

As I was growing up, I was aware of the fact that my family wasn't part of the upper crust and even though I had a love for sports, I wasn't athletic at all. I had a weight problem also. I had two things to turn to, a good sense of humor and a big heart.

Quite often as I was growing up, I would suffer because of my good nature. This would follow me into my adult years. Would always ending up have me wondering why. I guess it was the only way I could gain acceptance.

I met this member of the fair sex at work. I was 21. She was um, older and more uh.. experienced. Love is blind, but infatuation is completely senseless. And an young man who was an adult in the eyes of the law only, who thought with his nether regions is definitely a danger to himself.

I lived at home and only had a car payment at the time. We would all get together after work at the local watering hole. Some nights I would keep her supplied with drinks and cigarettes as we both smoked the same brand(BTW, I haven't had a cigarette since August, 1997). Night would always end up the same, she would leave with someone else. Next day she would be one of my best friends again, as she needed smokes. She would let me take her out again, same results. It's your own fault, Cliff.

Life goes on. Friends come, friends go. Some give, most take.

I worked at an appliance store for a few years. I was on commission as was most of the folks there. I knew a lot about the product and I also knew how to take care of grief caused by other salesmen. I assisted many who made quite a bit more than I, while my family did without. It's your own fault, Cliff.

Nobody want's to see you cross to their side of the track.

We were members of this church where the members seemingly forgot where they come from, but didn't want others to follow, especially if they were different. My crime was that I come from the wrong side of the Ohio River. We went to a Bill Gaither Homecoming concert several years ago in Cleveland. We were supposed to go as a church group, or so I thought. We got there and went up to our seats. One of my children went up to the group and the person who purchased the tickets told us that our seats were "down there" away from the group. I did not enjoy the show. After another snub, I wanted to leave the church, but my wife wouldn't let me because our daughter liked it there. It's your own fault, Cliff.

Welcome to my miserable existance. Nice guys don't finish last. We need to be close to the front so people can locate us to use us.


Pat Jenkins said...

well wixy rest assured you are not alone in being taken advantage of or taken for granted.... it is easy for others to prey on compassion..... but i am disturbed you didn't show any compassion to me with a .23 cent pizza....hmmm

cathouse teri said...

When you are being taken advantage of, it's not because you have a big heart. It's because you are naive. One has nothing to do with the other.

Although, I'm sure you do have a big heart.

It's important to learn to set boundaries. Unfortunately, others really don't like it when you learn that. So lots of obstacles are put in our way in order to prevent us from learning.

That Gaither story broke my heart. That was awful. I'm sorry to hear that. But the people who would have their way with us do not stop at the church doors.

74WIXYgrad said...

I am currently working on the boundary issue. I had asked my counselor if there was a book called "How to be Assertive Without Being a (Jerk)." She told me I should write it and I told her if I could write it, I wouldn't need it.

Yes there are times that I would like to be a prick and never learned how.

Monday through Sunday said...

Boundaries by Townsend and McCloud..excellent book!

struke said...

Cliff...very insightful post. I had a weight problem in high school too and couldn't play sports. I was too freakin' skinny. So I was the tuba playing band geek. I didn't date...more like, I couldn't get a date. I've made up for it since I graduated from the shallowness of high school.

Cliff, the good Lord says that for every bit of suffering you endure, you will be repaid two-fold.

Cliff, you are a good man. Stay the way you are. Live up to your principles and beliefs and you won't go wrong. Be true to yourself.

Julie said...

Hello, I came over from Monday's post. I felt a connection to you post today. My husband is a nice guy. He is often treated like a 2nd class friend, but he does have his limits. He has become more assertive as of late, and can tell people "no" better than when he was only took 44 years to Anyway, be nice, but know how much you will take and why you will take it. Be warned, because your nice now...when you do take a stand for yourself or your family you will be a real big "jerk" to all of those who enjoy taking advantage of you now. Because most people are comfortable with people in their to speak. Doesn't mean you have to stay does it. :)
Have a great weekend.

cathouse teri said...

There's no need to think that saying no means you are a jerk. Start with that.

cathouse teri said...

By the way, you never answered me about who the hell Kay is. ??

cathouse teri said...

Ha ha. That is so strange. You answer me in the strangest places!

I get the dumb joke now. Sorry. It's been years since I heard that one.

The reason it confused me is that I have a friend named Kay and she is a big blog person. Thought maybe you had connected with her and realized she and I knew each other! Funny!