The investigation into the campaign of the Famous Chicken is complete. The following damaging information has been uncovered in the case:
"It's not a bad calling for (Ted) Giannoulas, a former student dishwasher and immigrant from London, Ontario, Canada."
Ted Giannoulas is the birth name of the Famous Chicken. No problem there, but seeing that he was not hatched in the good ole' U. S. of A., according to the constitution, he is not eligible to be president.
Upon hearing the news, both John McCain and Barack Obama were heard to breathe a huge sigh of relief.
The WIXY Party will not nominate anyone at this late date, concentrating it's efforts on the 2012 race for the White House. There has been rumors abounding from the camp of Miss Piggy and her possible bid to become the first female president and also a representative of "the other white meat."
A candidate the party had to turn down was J. Wellington Wimpy. Mr. Wimpy has been known to have credit problems, as he's always known to be saying "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday, for a hamburger today." He would also not be popular around the red meat crowd.