Saturday, December 27, 2008

Could I have done something?

The past couple of days I have gotten emails from all of you. The messages range from "What happened" to "I wonder if I could have done something," to "I'm sorry you lost a good friend." I want everybody to know that I appreciate all the messages I received, as I'm sure Chelle has also.

I received a phone call from Amias yesterday. We talked for 20 minutes. She told me that Christmas will never be the same for her. I don't think that's the answer. I think Suzanne would like us to remember the reason for Christmas, and if we are to remember her, it would be in the loving way in which she always treated us.

I had others email me, wondering if there would have been anything they could have done to maybe prevent it. I don't think there was anything we could have done. I wish there was, as she was there for me on a couple of occasions when I needed a friend. She apologized to me because she was out of town and away from a computer when my brother died. Suzanne made me feel good a lot by some of our email contact. I would send her a joke and if she hadn't seen it before and she thought it was a good one, she would post it.

I would have her on the list to send Turning Point devotions out to. If we hadn't had other communication in awhile, she would tell me that she always looked forward to the devotions. Or one time I was getting a ton of jokes from others at work and I would forward them to her. She sent me a reply to one that simply said, "You're cracking me up!"

Suzanne made me feel good about myself. She told me once if she would have a chance to meet me that I would probably levitate. I was always afraid if we ever met, she would be disappointed in what she saw.

I miss her already...

7 comments:

Michelle Dawn said...

Suzanne's death is very heartbreaking. I'm still shocked. but I am going to remeber her the way I knew her and that was what you described. I forwarded her emails too and I would get a little response back at times. It's a shame to see such a beautiful person with such great talent give up, but she made the choice and now it can't be undone.

74WIXYgrad said...

Amias,

I will not delete this because I respect your feelings. But what Suzanne did was nothing she did intending to hurt any of us. I wish I could have done something that would have eased the hurt she was going through, said something that would caused her to think.

Suzanne was someone I really cared about. She was someone I wished I could put a smile on her face whenever I hit the send button.

I think you know that it's my aim to uplift anyone I email. I'm disappointed because of what she did, but I'm not mad at her.

dons_mind said...

frankly, honestly, i don't understand suicide - i simply can't get my mind around it - it doesn't work in my head. i've known some in my life who have taken their own lives and some who've tried, failed and moved on with professional help. but i still don't understand it.

suzanne was a terrific photographer - i loved her work, was always leaving her notes or emails complimenting her pics. and she was a terrific poet! had a real way with words. i enjoyed those 55 word blog poems she was doing. she always spoke well of everyone in her posts - she loved her family!

i spent a hour or so this afternoon cruising through her website and old posts. it was nice.

that's the liquid i'll remember.

Amias said...

A brown spec in a sea of white --- what am I thinking ---? To be understood, why? To mourn with friends? Open and honest dialogue? Thought it was cheaper, but I might as well pay my co-pay and get some professional help!

coltfan said...

she was a very artistic and intelligent person almost an enigma . No one could could help her on the path she was on . If you read her poems there was choices she was making . I believe she made her choice to end her life for quite awhile. When I found out what happened christmas day I went back to her page and re read the poems I was unfortunatly right. She was crying for help but in a way that no one would hear.I could tell reading her responses on her last and final post something was up , but it didn't click until after I heard the news. Suzanne was a beautiful, kind, sweet person and the world should feel a loss without her . She and Michelle were growing close . She was even help plan our renewing our wedding vow ceremony. She told Michelle"I have friends that owe me favors" She was excited for us and I will never forget that. God speed suzanne.

Michelle said...

I am so sorry to read about Suzanne.

My love and sympathies to all her friends and family.

SandyCarlson said...

She was a lovely woman. She visited my blog regularly and left upbeat, uplifting comments and had a wonderful way of making me feel good and special. How many of us take the time to do that for others or have the gift of being able to do that in a few words? She was great. She was there for me as a personal friend during the summer, and vice versa.

I think those of us who are regular and serious bloggers understand there is a meaningful connection among us that transcends the niceties of life in the "real" world by getting at what makes each us real. Suzanne had that spirit.

May she know peace. God bless.