Friday, December 26, 2008

Why?

What I'm posting now is with the blessing of Chelle. Chelle is the cousin of Suzanne's husband, Richard. I had gotten the impression from both of them that they were about as close as sisters.

Suzanne had been a friend of mine since I had discovered one of her blogs in July, 2006. We would make reference to each other on our blogs and would have dialogue via email quite a bit. It was no surprise to me that she was friends to many other bloggers as well. I felt it was quite an honor to be held in as high esteem as I was. We even talked to each other on the phone on occasion. I felt as we had known each other for a long time.

I also knew that Suzanne was having some personal problems, much of which had to do with a very troubled marriage. I would let her bounce things off me, and I would send her some encouragement.

While she was going through some of her marital problems, she made herself available to give me a lift when I needed it. My son was having some problems of his own and she gave me assurance everything would be fine. When my brother died, she downloaded his photo from my blog and posted it on hers. I felt almost as close to my blogging family at that time as I was to my own.

I’ve been learning that Suzanne had some problems coping with some demons in her life. She had told me that she was bipolar and I’m sure that would have a lot to do with what has happened in the recent past.

As loving as Suzanne was to others, she was very destructive to herself. I always wonder why someone that God has given so much to, would want to destroy the package it came in?

Since my post yesterday, I’ve learned a couple of things. On Christmas Eve, Suzanne sent several emails out wishing the recipients a Merry Christmas. Sometime after she did that, she took her own life.

One of her most used phrases was, “I love you.” She ended many emails to me that way, as I’m sure she did for others. I wish she could had done that for herself.

Why Suzanne?

17 comments:

melanie said...

I have no words...so very sad..

Shellmo said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend - very very sad.

Pigeon said...

My heart goes out to her family, and to you. I'm so very sorry.

coltfan said...

She was a very kind woman . Michelle and I liked her alot . We didn't realize all the trouble she was having in her life. It is a shame she felt that there was no other way.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I too, have never been able to understand this. I have seen it in many families and it never makes sense. Everyone around the person suffers becuase of this. I do hope that she is at peace and that her family copes with this as well as they can.

Michelle Dawn said...

Hopeefully she has the peace she was searching for. God Speed.

Tri-State Media Watch said...

Cliff,

I have no words of my own for what I read. I just don't. I copied yours and reposted to my own blog...because like I said in my blog, I haven't the words. Although, at the end, I did add my own two cents...

Jeremy

Bella said...

Suzanne was on my mind the day she passed as I drove through Meridian on the way home from Texas.

I will never forget her good 'ol Southern hospitality and all the kind words she threw my way.

She will be missed.

Bella

lime said...

i'm so sorry to hear it. all the questions and horrible feelings you have in the wake of a dear friend's suicide i know all too well. my prayers are with you and her family.

cathouse teri said...

A sad, sad day.

Jessica said...

Oh how very very sad!

Amel's Realm said...

WHAT???!?!?!?!?!?! I can't believe this!!! I'm TOTALLY shocked! Oh dearrrrrrrrrrrrrr...:-((((

It's so sadddd...

struke said...

Cliff...I had no idea. I just got back home from to Toledo from Massillon. This is way too sad. I will pray for her family.

Southern Sage said...

Very sad. I'm sorry for your loss.

Syd said...

I'm sorry to hear this. I had a link to her site. And I didn't know that she was so troubled. I wish that there had been another way.

won said...

Whoa...

Sure makes one think.

I am not sure how I even stumbled across this corner of cyberspace.

It could be me, any minute of any day. It could be many that I know, that run in the same circle as I.

It would be my hope that we would all take the time to really, really listen and connect with one another.

As a person who hurts very deeply, I can say that I have said what needed to be said more times than anybody could deny hearing if they had ears just partly open.

Not saying that your friend sent out any such messages or not. I did not know her. I did not know of her.

I'm a bit jealous; moreso I'm saddened both at such a desperate measure and the world filled with millions of people who did not see...who did not feel.

May there be peace for us all some day...

LL said...

I had her blog in my google reader and so didn't find out about her death until someone posted on Liquid Illuzion. I was so shocked to hear of her death and now, after Jean pointed me this way, the how of it leaves me even more stunned. She was so.....larger than life. I'm very sorry for her family. And for you, her friend.